When I Dissolved into Death...
My personal Experience of getting through the Gates of Death, into the Realm of Eternal Oneness and Returning to our Conditions
After I spoke in my last post in the Mystery Schools section named “Mystery Schools: DEATH † as a Door to Greater Realities (for ongoing Life☺)” about the reason why death is a key element to all mystery schools - it’s now time for me to share how I experienced it myself.
From the number of very different types of such experiences I went through, I want to share today the most radical one. I was with another shaman who served us, a group of facilitators, all of us going one by one through an experience with the medicine he served, the venom of the toad Bufo Alvarius containing 5MeO-DMT - known as the most potent psychedelic (or rather entheogene) substance on the planet we are aware of. It’s typically called “the God molecule” due to its capacity to transport the receiver within seconds into the space of non-dual unity consciousness. My focus in this post is not so much on the specifics of this medicine and the way how to take it (you are welcome to ask questions in the comments) but on the experience itself.
As expected, after inhaling the vapor of the venom, I dissolved. I left time and form within seconds, human existence with all it’s properties. The reality I entered cannot be described because it is pure Being. There is no property to it, no content, no name, even the word “the void” would not be able to describe it because a description already requires that something is there to describe. Consequentially there is no memory of it neither. BLISS BLISS BLISS BLISS
While I am writing I remember my first Ego Death experience years ago about which I used to say “I now SAW what I had always believed” (referring to the believe in all my decades of working in the spiritual field, many of those still in the limitations of the Christian faith perception). In the symbol language of Christians the most appropriate way of naming it would be: I was in heaven. I was in God. I was God. God was all. There was no I.
Measured in chronological time it was probably after less then 15 min, when I started to “re-incarnate”. And one of the first things that appeared in my spirit was the words “I love you” (myself addressing God whom I started to perceive as a you, showing the beginning of differentiation and separation). This was with tears of bliss and glory that now, in an already somewhat “own identity” I experienced. At this point this identity may not yet have been a Human one but at least the one of a timeless soul.
As the return journey continued, however, I started to slowly get aware of those typical traits of what is a human being:
Feelings! Oh, I have feelings!
Thought - Oh, I can think!
Another person - Oh, I am an individual amongst others!
Another person hugging me - Oh, there is love, there is touch, there is mutual comfort and feeling of togetherness!
I realized the soil under me, ashes of the extinguished camp fire in front of me that I took into my hands
I felt invited to stand on my feet and realized - Oh I am between heaven and earth as a human with consciousness
Still with the fresh imprint of the state of complete Oneness although gradually back to my Human experience, I still kind of saw it from outside which lasted for may be another 1 or 2 hours, a tremendously instructive, orienting time in all aspects of what my personal Human Experience was like, was meant to be like, was meant to overcome, where consciousness in me wanted to be elevated into something not previously existing. It was the most radical way of seeing myself as who I am an why I am here.
I didn’t want to cease seeing my human experience like this from outside with the tremendous amount of orientation that this involved. But I realized that I didn’t need to fear to loose anything I had experienced by entirely diving into my human normality because I also got aware that the place I just came from was in fact exactly the same place as the one I enter when I meditate, when I use my common every-day practices of entering into pure presence (see my post Daily Moments on the Ground Of Being). I got re-affirmed that it is just the same! So I do have all the necessary tools to stay connected WHILE being in form as a Human. This was another great comfort.
We have all been there. It’s just that for many of us the memory is so far and totally covered with the dust of this limited existence. But when we receive the ability to reconnect to it, we cannot ignore why we are here and lancing ourselves into the journey, continuing it, the journey of elevating cosmic consciousness on the playground of our personal life and experience.